3 min read
Is it just me, or does it seem like everybody and their cousin is getting married these days? Now, ya boy is single, so I know how hard it is to be happy with your singleness when it seems like everyone else is in a relationship. But over the years, I’ve learned that singleness is actually a blessing. There’s so much we can be doing to enjoy our single season and prepare ourselves for that special someone.
Many of you won’t be single for long, but you don’t want to look back on this time with regret. That’s why I also created a new course on maximizing your single season. I speak directly to my single people about money, faith, relationships, personal development and so much more. It’s all the things I’ve learned about how we should be spending our single season, while preparing for marriage. Reserve your spot for the course, today! You won’t regret it. Now let’s get into it!
1. Stop Trying to Impress Other People.
I spent so much time in my late teens and twenties trying to impress other people, instead of being content with myself. I tried to impress girls, who were never marriage material, by driving the nicest car, wearing designer labels and paying for expensive dates. I’m shaking my head just thinking about it.
The main reason I did that was because I thought that’s what it meant to be wealthy. Wrong! People with true wealth don’t always rock the luxury brands and expensive cars. Most of the people who do that are what I call “fake rich.” They look like they have it together, but they’re struggling to make ends meet. “Real rich” is having an emergency fund saved, no debt and maxing out your retirement accounts each year.
When I realized that I had it all wrong, I got rid of all that expensive stuff and started focusing on myself. I stopped trying to impress those girls, and while none of the relationships turned into marriage, I became a better person and my future relationships became more meaningful.
2. Quit Spending Money You Didn’t Have.
We all got them: Those letters from the credit card company offering you a “low-interest” credit card and instant approval. Y’all, it’s a trap! Credit cards, loans and debt seem nice at first, but they’re designed to make you spend more money than you can afford to pay back. The result is you wasting hundreds to thousands of dollars and years of your life paying that debt off.
I made the mistake of getting into debt and so have millions of other people. My advice is to pay it off ASAP. If you’re single on one income, it can seem like a daunting task. But, hundreds of people do it every year with some discipline and focus.
Don’t wait for the government to fix your financial problems. If you do, you might be waiting for a looong time. And don’t wait for a spouse to pay off your debt either. Think about it: would you rather start your marriage with tens of thousands in debt to pay off or would you rather have zero debt, a fully funded emergency fund and no financial stress? It’s a no-brainer.
Use your single season to pay off that debt. Work a second job if you have to. And start your marriage happy and debt-free.
3. Start Seeing a Therapist.
This has been huge for me. As a single, Black man, I know there are stigmas around therapy, but there shouldn’t be. Therapy is awesome. It helped me get through a difficult break up that I had years ago. It also helped me to recognize and deal with personal issues that I didn’t know how to deal with on my own.
As single people preparing for marriage, we should be working hard on our personal growth and mental health right now. Trust me, you don’t want to bring baggage into your next relationship. I highly recommend seeing a therapist on a regular basis to work through past trauma, current issues in your life and to take care of your mental health.
4. Take Care of Your Body.
We only get one body, so we have to take care of it. While you’re single, learn to cook healthy meals and develop a good exercise routine. If you’re one of those people who doesn’t like to cook, try a meal service. And if the gym intimidates you, take up a sport or an exercise class that you like.
Ladies, if you want that slim-thick body, take advantage of your single season to get it. Fellas, if you want that eight-pack or those arms, then start hitting the gym now. When else will you have so much free time to dedicate to working out? Plus, when you look good, you feel good and you’ll attract people to you. So, don’t spend every evening binge-watching Netflix and ordering Chick-fil-A. Take care of your body and your health while you can.
5. Go on Dates.
This might seem like a no-brainer, but I’ll say it anyway: You should be dating in your single season. Dating is how you’re going to meet your spouse, whether you meet them on the apps or in-person. Now, this doesn’t mean you should just go out with any and everybody. Ladies, you should date guys who align with your values and share your interests.
If you’re new to dating, it might seem intimidating. But the more you do it, the more reps you’ll get in and the more comfortable it becomes. You’ll also begin to develop a sense of what you want and don’t want in a spouse.
On a related note, make sure you’re going out where you can meet other single people. Join a co-ed Bible study, travel with a tour group of people your age or just go out with your friends on the weekends. Dating shouldn’t be the only reason you do these things, but doing what you already enjoy with men and women who enjoy it too will increase your odds of meeting someone.
6. Take Risks.
Some people think that single = lonely. To me, single = free.
Single people with no children have the freedom to do a lot of the things that their married friends would have a hard time doing. There are single people who moved to other countries, just because they wanted to.
If you’re single and you want to take a risk to do something you’re passionate about, now’s the time to do it—accept that job across the country, switch careers, try van life! Taking risks challenges us to be more innovative, flexible and creates opportunities for greater rewards.
You don’t want to look back on your single life and regret not taking those chances. So, step out and give that new thing a try.
7. Develop a Personal Relationship With Jesus Christ.
Guys, I owe my entire life to Jesus Christ. I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for him. I made a lot of mistakes during my single season, but the thing I don’t regret is developing my relationship with God.
I grew up in a Christian family, but developing my own personal relationship with God transformed my life. If you truly want to make the most of your singleness, start developing your relationship with God, too. Devote time in your day to prayer and reading your Bible. Just 30 minutes per day can have a major impact on your life. As you develop your relationship with God, he will also direct your path. He’ll show you the best ways to spend your single season and direct you to the spouse that’s perfect for you.